Joke No. 200

Do You Have The Time?

A man had been driving all night, and by morning, was still
far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city
he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an
hour or two of sleep.

As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to
be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had
he settled back to snooze, when there came a knocking on
his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"

The man looked at the car clock and answered, "Eight fifteen."

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again,
and was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the
window and another jogger asked, "Excuse me, sir, do you
have the time?"

The man was a little irritated and growled, "It's twenty minutes
past eight!" The jogger thanked the man and left.

Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew
it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him.
To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a
sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"

Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off,
when there was another knock on the window. Another jogger
said, "Sir, it's eight thirty."

Joke No. 199

Breasts Are Too Small

Fresh from the shower, a woman stands in front of the
mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts
are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the
husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take
a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts
for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet
paper, stands in front of the mirror and rubs it between
her breasts.

"How long will this take?" she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops, getting suspicious.

"Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make them bigger over the
years?"

"Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

Joke No. 198

Secret Service!

A Scotsman is sitting in a bar in Cuba and is minding his
business when a man with a large black beard walks in.
The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of rum. The
bartender serves him, the man drinks the rum then starts
walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"

The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender
says, "Alright then" and the man leaves.

A few minutes later another man with a large black beard
walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of rum.
The bartender serves him, the man drinks the rum then
starts walking out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The man says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army." The bartender
says "Alright then" and the man leaves.

The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar and
orders a shot of rum. He drinks the rum then starts walking
out the door.

The bartender says, "Hey aren't you going to pay for that?"
The Scotsman says, "Excuse me, Castro's Army."

The bartender says, "Hey where is your big black beard?"
The Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt and says,
"Secret Service!"

Joke No. 197

Programmer and the Frog

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The programmer said, "Look, I'm a programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend -- but a talking frog, now that's cool!"