All About Jokes

A place to laugh with all kinds of jokes.

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Friday, April 25, 2008

Joke No. 206

Mrs. Smith

The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him
for an examination.

"Mrs. Smith, I have some good news for you."

The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm
Miss Smith, not Mrs."

"Oh. Well, in that case Miss Smith," said the doctor without
changing expression, "I have some bad news for you."

The Salesman

Despite his best sales pitch, a life-insurance salesman was
unable to get a couple to sign up for a policy.

"I certainly don't want to frighten you into a decision," he
announced, standing up to leave.

"Please sleep on it tonight, and if you wake up in the morning,
let me know what you think."

Joke No. 205

The Second Wedding

A couple was married for 40 years and decided they
wanted to renew their vows and planned a second
wedding. They were discussing the details with their
friends. The wife wasn't going to wear a traditional
bridal gown and she started describing the dress she
was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what
color shoes she had to go with the dress. She replied,

At that point, her husband quipped, "Yes, silver, to
match her hair."

She looked at her husband, who had been getting a
little bald spot and said, "So, I guess you are going

Joke No. 204

The Gorilla

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.

She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with
straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front
of a large, silverback gorilla.

Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the
bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted
and pounded his chest with his free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more
by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played
along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises
that would wake the dead.

She got into the spirit of things and started jumping up and
down and teasing the ape without any more prompting. This
drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to
the cage, pushed her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage
door shut. "Now, tell him, you have a headache."

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Joke No. 203

Boy, Go Get Your Mother

A family from the hills was visiting the city and were in a
shopping mall for the first time in their life. The father and
son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They
were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially
by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then
slide back together again.

The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"

The father said, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything
like that in my entire life. I ain't got no idea what the heck
it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement,
a large old woman in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving
walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, the lady rolled
between them into a small room, and they closed. The boy
and his father watched the small circular numbers above the
walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it
reached the last number and then the numbers began to light
in the reverse order.

When the number one was lit again, the walls opened up. The
boy and his father watched in amazement as a beautiful young
woman stepped out of the small room.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said
quietly to his son, "Boy, go get your mother."

Joke No. 202

An Amish Woman

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old
buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said
to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold."The mother
replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The body heat
will warm them up." So the daughter did,and her hands
warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding with her
boyfriend, and he said, "My hands are freezing cold."

The daughter replied, "Put them between my legs, they'll
warm up."

The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy
with the Daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The
daughter replied, "Put it between my legs. It will warm up."
He did, and his nose warmed up.

The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the
daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her
mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard
of a penis?" The slightly concerned mother says, "Sure, why
do you ask?" The daughter replies, "Well, they sure make
one heck of a mess when they defrost!"

Joke No. 201

Little Johnny

A third grade school teacher was trying to explain to her
class the difference between singular and plural. She said,
"What is it if one woman looks out a window?"

Little Charlotte said, "Singular."

"Very good," said the teacher. "What is it if three women
are looking out of a window?"

Little Johnny in the back mumbled just loud enough for
all to hear, "A hookery!"

Cohen's House

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Cohen's house, and
grandpa gets out. The polite policeman explained, "I came
upon this elderly gentleman who said that he was lost in the
park and couldn't find his way home. He did, however, know
the address, and so here we are. Do you know this gentleman?"

"Of course, officer! It's my Morris!", said grandma Cohen.

Turning to grandpa, she said, "Morris! You've been going to
that park for over 30 years! How could you possibly get lost?"

Leaning close, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa
whispered, "Shhhh I wasn't lost... I was just too tired to walk

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