Joke No. 136

HOOVER!!!!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the
first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him
mutter "Hoover!" under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water
hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occured and Fr. Murphy's drive
landed on the green only six inches from the hole!

"Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around
the hole instead of going in.

"HOOVER!!!!"

By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity
any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover".

"It's the biggest dam I know."

Joke No. 135

After-Work Cocktail

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail
when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman
entered. She was so striking that the man could not take
his eyes away from her.

The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and
walked directly towards him.

Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the
young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely
anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky,
for $100 on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.

The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you
want me to do in just three words."

The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew
his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20
bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.

He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said,

"Paint... my... house."

Joke No. 134

Paddy Murphy

Paddy Murphy comes into a Belfast pub, looking like he'd
just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his
nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's
walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little jerk, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do
that to you, he must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and
a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?"

That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a
thing of beauty it is, but totally useless in a fight."