Joke No. 158

The New Preacher

A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little
nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went
blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in
seminary school when a situation like this arose -- repeat
your last point. Often this will help you remember what
should come next. So he gave it a try.

"Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank.
So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing.

He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence
that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the
stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row.

The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to
apologize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young
man. It was my fault...I should have gotten ready for you.
After all, you did tell me three times you were coming!"

Joke No. 149

The Cloth In A Bar

A priest, a father, and a rabbi are walking home from their
respective services when they pass a bar.

The priest says, "I wish we could all go in and have a drink
tonight." To this the father says, "let me try something I'll
be right back."

So the father goes into the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
When the bartender comes over to get paid the father says,
"my son, I have already paid you for my drink.", to which
the bartender replies, "I'm sorry father, it must've slipped
my mind." "It's alright my son. You have a good night", the
father says and leaves.

He goes outside to tell the priest and the rabbi what to do.

The priest goes in and comes out successful, so the rabbi
goes in.He orders and when it comes time to pay he says
to the bartender, "listen sonny I have already paid for my
drinks tonight". Now the bartender replies, "I'm sorry rabbi,
you're the third man of the cloth to come in here tonight I
must be slipping!", to this the rabbi replies, "that's ok sonny,
but can I have the change from my fifty."